Remember When
by argentroses
Summary: Liet is finally free but things are different. As he recovers Poland thinks about how much the time apart has changed them and remembers their past together. Rated T for kissing, shonen ai, and mentions of self abuse and other violence. I don't have a beta so I'd appreciate the feed back and please don't hesitate to point out any mistakes.
1. Discovery

I own nothing here. Hetalia and all characters within are the property of Hidekaz Himaruya.

A/N: Nothing new for a little while. I'll be doing some editing and cleaning up. Thanks for reading and please don't hesitate to point out any errors you find.

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Liet is being boring. I mean totally uninteresting. You'd think that being back he'd want to like go do stuff but he's been a total hermit. It was like a week ago. I was just at home watching some movie when there was this tapping on my door. When I looked, there was Liet. He looked really really bad. Way to pale and seriously shaking. I hustled him into the bathroom. I thought he was seriously cold. After he was clean and dressed, he just collapsed on the bed in my guestroom. I went in to check on him a couple of times but he slept pretty much an entire day.

He was still looking like totally ragged and weak so I took him meals in the room. It was just simple stuff; soups, toast, and a lot of his favorite tea. It was kind of nice sitting on the bed eating together. He listened while I talked though he didn't say much. I was like just glad Liet was back. But today he's looking much better so I'm going to take him out.

"Liet! Come on get dressed," I pounce on him hug him tight. He yelps and stiffens. I totally freeze.

"Poland, you scared me." He gently pulls me off him. His hands are shaking, "Please don't do that."

"Like you ok Liet?" I let him go and take a step back. It sorta sounded like I hurt him.

His eyes close briefly and he gives this seriously cute little smile, "Yes. I'm fine. I'm not used to being grabbed suddenly."

"Ok. So like get dressed. We're totally going out shopping today," I pull out an umbrella and poke him with it. "Like hurry up."

"I don't know if…"

"Liiieeet. You've like been inside ever since you got home. You totally have to like get out and do something. Go on and get dressed or I'll totally use Poland rules and make you go out like that," I point the umbrella at him. His clothes right now are just so shabby. A totally boring tee-shirt and worn pajama pants. I am so buying him some new sleep clothes today. He starts to say something but shakes his head and slinks off to his room.

There are a few more protests but eventually I get him out of the house and into the city. He's being a little more normal now. Meaning he's like being a total worrywart. It's really good to see him acting more like the Liet I remembered, "Wow it's been such a long time since I hung out with Liet!"

He jumps, "Don't be so loud."

I wave it off laughing. His face is so funny when he's startled and confused, "Why? We're shopping we should be having fun."

He looks seriously nervous again glancing around the market, "It's just that things are still sort of tense."

"Hmmm?" I pause trying to peer around him. I'm pretty sure that I saw someone totally familiar looking.

"Poland, I'm worried that…"

"Italy!" I was totally right. I thought that hair curl was so familiar.

"Ahhhh! Poland?" He smiles and hugs me.

"It's been a while," It's totally good to see him again. With all the crap going on with the wars and Russia taking over then all the work I had to do rebuilding, I didn't have much chance to see him.

"It has. I was hoping I'd run into you today."

I look back Liet is still standing back where I left him. He's looking totally lost and confused. I feel pretty bad I totally ditched him when he didn't really want to come here at all, "Hey, Liet! Come over here. I'll introduce you."

"Hello. I'm Italy Veneziano."

"He's a friend from when I was partitioned," Liet is being like really shy. He's usually way more social than this.

"Hello," Liet smiles shyly as he approaches. I think it's a super cute look, "I'm Lithuania."

I grab Liet's wrist and lead him down the street with Italy following. Italy waves his hands as he talks, "We talked a lot about our dreams back then."

"I'm glad we both became independent," I nod enthusiastically.

Italy nods still smiling happily as we get to a little coffee shop. It totally smells good. I pay for everyone and we sit on the patio eating pastry and drinking coffee. I press some gingerbread into Liet's hands, "You have got to try this. They like bake it fresh here every day."

"Thank you," He's looking kinda sick again. Maybe I was totally hasty in dragging Liet out here with me. I watch him for a couple of seconds. He sips the coffee looking seriously lost in thought. Maybe he like just needs a little while to recover. Yeah, that's probably it. I turn back to Italy and we get into a totally serious argument about the best snack.

We end up hanging out at the café for like a couple of hours. Then Italy jumps up apologizing. "I'm supposed to meet Romano. He'll be irritated if I'm late. Poland we should have lunch together again. Lithuania it was nice to meet you!"

Liet nods giving him a small smile. I hug him gently this time, "You look like really tired."

"I'm sorry," He smiles at me though his hands are totally shaking again, "I'm fine though."

"Liet, if you're sick again tell me ok," I feel his forehead. He is kinda warm.

"I'm fine," He repeats as he finishes his coffee, "Please don't worry about it."

"Like if you say so," I help him clean up our trash, "Just one store then we can go home."

He nods looking seriously relieved. I drag him to a clothes store and pick up some new clothes for both of us. Not that much a few new shirts and stuff for him. Most importantly some new sleep clothes. I am totally going to pitch his raggedy stuff into the trash when we get back.

"Poland you don't need to…" He looks worried as I add a set of pajamas to the stack of clothes in his arms.

"Liet, you are staying with me right?" I cut him off.

"Yes, I really appreciate…"

"So like shut up and let me buy this for you. It's Poland Rules. If you're like hanging out with me you have to look like totally fab. Got it?"

"Thank you, Poland." That like finally got a smile out of him. Being the totally merciful person I am I take over to the checkout so we can go home.

So now that we're home he's acting really weird. He'll sit for a few moments then get up and pace a little. It's seriously getting annoying, "What's a matter, Liet? You look really stressed out." I was watching him from the couch. "C'mon it's a sleepover."

"I'm fine." He let out a soft breath. "Could I use your bath?"

What's wrong with Liet today? I'm gonna play a trick on him. I find a water gun and load it with ice water. This should make him so much more interesting. I can hear the soft splashing of water as he bathes. I turn the handle freezing as it clicks softly. The sounds from the tub don't change so he totally didn't hear it. I let out the breath I was holding and carefully open the door. I smile and get ready to shoot when I see his back. There are half healed cuts and bruises all over. Some of them look seriously deep. Under all that there's layers of scars.

I back away and close the door silently. Seriously, what in hell did Russia do to him? None of those marks was there when we were the commonwealth. I know they weren't. I knew every inch of his skin. All of this happened after the partitions. Why didn't Liet ever tell me?

There was a side to Lithuania I never knew.


	2. The Sounds of Fear

The sounds of fear

I've been through a lot so there are like a lot of things I can handle. I've been ripped apart and put back together, I've been beaten down again and again, once I was almost completely erased from history. I can totally deal with and rise up again. But there's something I seriously don't know what to do about. Lithuania.

I was a total coward which is why I'm in here now washing dishes. I need something to do while I think. I totally wanted to ask about the scars and stuff but I couldn't. For once, I seriously didn't know how to talk to him. It's never been like this. From the first time we met I always felt like comfortable around him. But now I know he's been hiding stuff from me. Like really major stuff. Russia has been hurting him for years and he never once told me. Like what am I supposed to do? I can't just go up and say, "Like how long has Russia been using you as a punching bag?"

A glass slips from my fingers and crashes to the floor. From the other room Liet lets out startled shout. "I like dropped a glass. No big deal…"

I hear him say something but I like can't understand him. "Liet are you like ok?" I go out to the living room. He's huddled at the end of the couch shaking.

He whispers in a really soft frantic voice. I lean in closer trying to hear him. I finally realize he's talking in Russian. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me," He just keeps saying that like over and over.

"Liet," I put my hand on his back. He cries out in pain. Damn it, I forgot. I jerk my hand away as he starts sobbing, "Liet, it's like just me. Liet!"

I've totally never seen Liet cry like this. He curls tighter, still apologizing and begging. "Liet, like please calm down. I'm not going to hurt you. Liet, look at me." The last thing came out seriously more harsh sounding than I intended. He does look up though.

"Poland…?" He finally seems to hear me. I watch the fear leaving his eyes.

"Yeah. Like it's totally me." I sit next to him putting one arm around his shoulders, "Liet what's going on?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you." He wipes away the tears and closes his eyes for a second. When he opens them he smiles at me. "I'm fine now."

"So what happened?" I let him go and scoot back a little to give him some space.

"The breaking glass startled me." He stands, "I'll clean it up for you."

"I'm totally not worried about the glass. You like just freaked out,"

"I'm fine," That smile is sorta off. It's like way too cheerful, "It's just an adjustment period. Sorry I made you worry."

I'm still like in shock over the switch from panic to calm as he goes to the kitchen. The clinking of glass snaps me out of it. He still has that weird little smile as he picks up the big pieces and puts them into the trash. I guess it's like not creepy like Russia's or crazy like Hungary's when she catches Prussia annoying Austria. Just, it doesn't really feel right. His hands are shaking a little as he works.

"Hey, Liet…" He looks up at me. I like have to think for a second but he waits totally patient like he always was. "Like, are you really ok?"

"I'm fine," He doesn't totally sound ok.

"Liet, you trust me right," I ask without thinking.

"Of course I do, Poland. I wouldn't have come if I didn't," He finds the dustpan and broom.

I take it from him, "Hey, you're seriously working too hard for someone who wasn't feeling well today. Like go and relax."

"I…" I'm seriously starting to dislike that smile.

"You're like totally not fine," I try to smile though by his expression it's like totally not reassuring, "You should like let me take care of this stuff. You can help out when you like get better."

He gives me a little nervous nod and leaves. I sweep up the rest of the glass. I thought that when he came back things would be easy. We could just totally go back to the way thing were before. Was like seriously wrong. I feel a twinge in my arm. Neither of us are totally the same. We both have scars inside and out. We can't go back. I can't change the past. All I can do is make sure he's safe now.


	3. Take A Chance

A/N: Working on editing. Thank you all for you patience. Hopefully after I fix the rough spots in the current chapters I can get back to new chapters.

As always comments and crit are always welcome.

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This is totally not like me. I'm not going to hide from this. Liet is hurting and I can't just sit here and let him suffer. I'm just going to take the chance. I seriously should bash myself over the head for not noticing sooner. It's all like small things. He never leans back against anything, he goes like totally still whenever I get annoyed, and he always asks for permission for small stuff like baths. What makes it worse is that I totally know he's been doing it the entire time he's been here. It's just now I'm like noticing.

How many other things like this did I totally miss while we were separated? I didn't see him during all that time but we wrote sometimes. I talked to him on the phone. Appologies are like totally not enough. I don't know how to say it but maybe I can like show him. But Liet is still stubborn as ever. He's going to let me help him unless I make him.

"Hey, Liet, I'll show you mine if you show me yours," The look on his face would normally make me totally die with laughter. Right now I really don't find it funny.

When he recovers, he ducks his head totally refusing to look at me, "We're a little old for that. Besides it's not like you haven't seen it before."

"You're totally thinking perverted stuff," I chide him gently. His face goes red.

"What am I supposed to think you meant?" He gives me that frustrated look he used to. I'm seriously happy to hear and see that annoyance. I was sort of worried that he would just put on that fake smile and apologize.

"Maybe like something you've been totally hiding from me," I meet his eyes waiting. My heart is pounding like so hard. Am I pushing him to hard?

His eyes go seriously wide and he looks down again, "Poland, you're acting strange."

"Lietuva, look at me ok?" I say it gently reaching out and gently squeeze his shoulder. He turns to me again eyes flickering over my face. I seriously don't think I've used his full name. Like ever, well not in his language anyway. I push up my left sleeve. The skin on my forearm is smooth and pale except for the long strip of scar tissue.

He runs his fingers over the discolored skin. He looks at me and pulls his hand back really fast like he's worried that he was being rude, "Sorry."

"It's ok," It's kinda uncomfortable to think about it but I'm totally committed already. No point in stopping, "I do seriously wish I had thought to like numb it or something first. After that totally jerky blini bastard decided that he wanted a buffer zone between him and Germany I got to come home. I was totally messed up in the head at first. The numbers Germany's boss put on me were like constantly reminding me about how bad that time was. One day I just totally didn't want to look at it anymore. So I like decided to just cut them off. It was seriously messy. But it healed up fine and starting to like fade a bit. It used to look way worse."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know," I sigh. He's feeling bad for me? Liet so needs to learn to be more selfish.

"I'm totally a phoenix, remember? I'll rise up no matter what happens," I lean back against the cushions and lightly tap his shoulder, "So, Lithuania, what about yours?"

He stiffens and tries to put on that totally fake smile, "Eh? I… I don't know what you mean."

"I know about your back already," I say it as calm and as matter of fact as I can. "I'm not stupid, Liet. You're hurt. Please let me help you for once."

We sit in the seriously uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. I starting to think he is going to totally breakdown again. He drops the smile and unbuttons his shirt. It slips off his shoulder as he turns.

"Like no wonder you've been sick. This is really bad," Some of the slashes are healing ok but others are totally not.

"Don't worry about it too much. It's been worse," He says it so normal like he really believes it. I look him over. No, it's totally worse than that. He seriously means it.

"Your attempt at reassuring me is like totally not reassuring at all," He is seriously in bad shape. I hope that first aid kit I've got has enough stuff to let me patch him up.

"Sorry," He glances at me nervously. His voice is so like soft.

I take a breath to calm myself, "Liet, like relax ok. It's just me."

"I know…" He closes his eyes. "I trust you."

"We should totally get this cleaned up," I jump up and run over to the bathroom. Why is it so bad though? We've been hurt like a lot of times fighting with Sweden, Prussia, and even Russia before. It's totally not like him to neglect injuries. I shake myself. Seriously it doesn't matter why it's like this. Right now it's way more important to make sure he gets better.

I hear him enter the room as I drag out the first aid kit. I keep my eyes away as I hear the rustle of his clothes. The water is shut off and I listen as he gets into the tub.

"Thank you. You can turn around now."

I take a washcloth and squeeze water over his back. Again I'm totally unsure about what to say. I start washing out the wounds. I'm seriously trying to be careful but he still flinches whenever I pass the towel over an infected spot. I chatter not really thinking about what I'm saying. I'm just trying to like distract him from how much this must hurt. It takes a while but eventually it looks like I got everything clean.

"Poland, I'm sorry," He says abruptly.

"Like I don't get why you're apologizing," I rinse the suds off his back. "I've just made you totally uncomfortable by hassling you into showing me this. Shouldn't I be the one asking you to like forgive me and stuff?"

"It's not about that. It's because I'm not the person you remember," He draws his knees up to his chest. His voice gets totally thick like he's about to cry, "I think he died in the snow."

"Huh? Liet?" I run my fingers through his hair the switch in mood is like totally distressing.

"I'm weak and nothing but a broken doll. The things I did when I was living in his house... I can't be the same person you knew before. Not anymore," He stares at the water his eyes get all shiny with tears.

I lean close and wrap my arms around his shoulder as I whisper into his ear, "So what if you like had to do some bad things? It totally wasn't your fault."

He shakes his head his shoulders shaking as he starts crying, "If I had been stronger, or smarter I could have gotten away or fought back. No one else would have given up. You didn't. I don't see why you're putting up with me. You should hate me."

"Liet, you're like being stupid right now. I mean so unbelievably idiotic," I kiss his cheek gently. I think he's like starting to run a fever. His skin feels way to warm, "You're totally my bestest friend. I know you had it really rough but I totally don't get why it would make me like think less of you and stuff. No matter what, I like you. I always will even if you seriously think I shouldn't."

"Poland?" He finally looks up. His voice is shaking but he isn't like crying as hard.

"I'll like be less selfish. With you anyway. But you've gotta like tell me off or something when I do something that makes you uncomfortable and stuff."

He laughs and hugs me he's still crying though. I can feel my shoulder getting damp from his tears, "Po, I'm sorry."

"Like what are you apologizing for now?"

"For doubting you," He kisses me softly, "For thinking you wouldn't want me around if you knew."

His lips press softly at first against mine then harder. I kiss him back running my finger through his hair. "Hey you like called me Po just now didn't you?"

"You don't want me to?" He doesn't sound like totally scared like before but I still hear a little of that soft pleading tone.

"No, I'm totally happy you did. You haven't called me that in like forever," I wipe away his tears, "Hey, Liet you should like hurry up and get better. It's feels totally weird to be the responsible one."

That earns me a little laugh, "The same and yet completely different," He kisses me again softly. He's like way calmer now though he seems really tired to. Worry about what happened later. For now there's a lot I need to do to make sure he's back to normal.


	4. Introductions

Revision time. Please pm me or review if you have comments, criticism, or better ideas for titles.

Thanks for reading.

I still don't own Hetalia.

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Liet is like so totally cute. I admit it feels a little pervy standing here watching him sleep but, well he's like totally adorable right now. Leaning back against the window, his hair a little mused, and a book on his lap. I carefully take it so it doesn't fall and startle him then cover him with a light blanket from the couch. Totally score one for me. I feel like so ninja for pulling it off without waking him up. He's always been a kinda light sleeper and I think he might be a bit worse now.

I run my fingers lightly through his hair. It's so soft and silky. He should like change the cut or something. It's been like this most of the time I've known him. I seriously wish he would grow it long again. It was totally pretty when he did. Actually, I think he only grew it out because I told him too. I wonder if he'll let it get long again if I ask.

Maybe he'll make a funny face too. He totally has the best expressions when he thinks I'm asking him something strange. Like when we first met. I cover my mouth to keep myself from totally breaking out laughing. That was when I learned that shocking Liet was like seriously funny.

I didn't wanna meet him though. I like told King Jadwiga that she was making a major mistake in agreeing to the union. Ok, so it was more like I threw this huge tantrum and then sobbed on her dress. But it's a total pain to talk to new people. I can fake confidence for a little while but then I like freak out and need to run or hide. I was still totally shaking in terror when the knight announced they had arrived. But I jumped on the throne and acted like I wasn't, I would say my thing then let Jadwiga or the knights handle the rest.

I had a lot of pictures in my head of what Lithuania could be but none of them were like even close. He led the little procession his pretty green eyes flicking over everyone before stopping on me. I could totally see him trembling. He was scared too. It made me feel so much better to know that I wasn't the only one who had trouble talking to strangers, "Thank you for coming all this way. I am Poland who commands Eastern Europe."

He seriously looked like he was close to being sick with fright when he started to introduce himself. He kept like stuttering and looking away. Then he closed his eyes and stood up straight. He was totally calm when he opened them, "I am Lithuania. We are here to discuss the union between our grand duke and your sovereign."

"Both your interest and mine can be satisfied by this marriage," I had looked him over. It was totally annoying that he calmed down so fast. I really wanted to see him freak out again. I thought about it. There had be something I could do to make him nervous again, "Hey, like show me you penis!"

His jaw dropped and he started stuttering again as his cheeks turned this totally pretty shade of pink. After a few seconds of shock he turned to his boss, "Are we really going to be ok?"

Since it was only like a joke I let them talk me out of it. Wonder if he would have though. I pull myself back into the present looking over him. I am totally unsure. He lets me push him into doing a lot of things but can like be totally evasive and stuff when it's something he really doesn't want. Or he used to be until...

No. I'm totally not going to think about that right now. Liet is like here now. He is totally safe now. I get up totally needing to touch him. I lean down kissing him softly. I really don't want to wake him up but I need to touch him. I guess I need to reassure myself that he really is with me.

"Po?" Liet's eyes flutter open.

"Totally," I kiss him again. He kisses me back lightly at first then harder as he wakes up.

The blanket slides down as he cups my cheek. His lips brush mine softly, "Sorry, I fell asleep on you. You wanted to go out right?"

"Liet, you look totally adorable right now," I lean down and kiss him again, "Let's like just stay in today."

"I'd like that," His fingers are warm from sleep as he reaches out to lace his fingers through mine. I settle in next to him as I mentally thank myself for deciding to put it in. I kiss his throat feeling his pulse speed up as he runs his fingers through my hair. This is totally better than shopping.


	5. Snow, Smiles, and Strategy

Snow, Smiles, and Strategy

"So much for shopping," I'm glaring out the window at the heavy snow. The weather had gotten really yucky. It's not even the pretty snow like yesterday.

"I wish we lived farther south." Liet hugs from behind. It feels seriously nice until I notice he's shivering a little.

"Are you like cold?"

He lets go and shakes his head as he smiles. "I'm fine." It's that smile. The one makes me feel totally worried. His lips move into the shape perfectly but his eyes are flat like he's not all there.

I bite down on my tongue. I don't like it when he's like this. If I try to get an explanation he'll just give me some lame answer about being tired. After that he'll smile that way again and tilt his head asking why I was worried. So, like, the only thing I can do is distract him from whatever it is he's thinking about, "Lets like play chess or something."

"Chess would be fun." He looks a little surprised as I pull out a dark wood box from under the bed. It's really old. I found it in this awesome antique shop in Krakow. I slide it over to him watching as he opens clasps and pulls out the board. I think my plan is totally working. Liet's fingers run slowly over the tiles before he takes out the board. It's not like it's the same one we used back before the partitions, that one was red and white rather than black and white, but it's so close I just had to buy it. I look out the window again. The third partition… That was when I lost him. The snow was just like today. Thick and heavy and smothering. Tomorrow everything will be messy and grey as it turns into slush.

I stand up suddenly and yank the curtains closed. He jumps, the black bishop dropping from his fingers. I feel a flash of guilt. I totally started him just now.

"Poland?"

"Seriously, this weather is like gross." I turn on the TV and put on some music too. He goes still just sitting next to the board watching me.

I flop down on the opposite side. His voice is hesitant, "Are you angry about something?"

I try to copy that thing he does whenever he dodges my questions. I smile and shake my head. "I'm like good and stuff. It's just that this type of snow is like the worst," I am totally angry but I won't show it anymore. Liet's already seriously nervous and it's not even him I'm mad at, "I'm like really irritated. I wanted so bad to take you out and get you some totally fab new clothes and stuff. I'm sorry for, you know, scaring you."

He watches me for a second then closes his eyes. When he opens them he's like calm again. I can totally see his body relaxing, "Thank you," He gives me a grateful smile. This one is for real. It's not just a curve of his lips but the way his eyes get all warm. I don't think he knows but I can totally tell which of his smiles are real and which ones are trying to stop me from worrying. "Po, do you want to move first?"

"Of course I do." One day I'm going to like find out how he calms down so fast. But, I can't right now when he finally seems to be feeling better. We finish setting up and I tell him about the shop where I found it. The lines break up and the little carved figures stalking each other across the squares. I manage to capture a rook. He uses his pawn to ward off my knight. I feel totally confident again as I take a couple more of his pieces.

"Checkmate." He picks up my rook and places his knight down with a tap.

"Huh?" I look at the board more closely. Damn, he's totally got me, again.

I look up. This smile is smug, "I won't lose in a game like this."

I huff, "No way! Poland rules! It's my turn forever!" I don't think I've won a game of chess against him, I mean like ever. He always had me completely believing I was gonna win until he set that last piece down with a firm tap. Then I would totally whip out Poland rules just to see that silly face he makes. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. It's kind of boring this time.

"Like checkmate I win," I topple his king with a pawn.

He laughs then leans over the board and kisses me softly, "You never change." He draws back and starts cleaning up. I pick up a rook that got knocked under the bed. I hand it to him and he drops it in with the rest of the figures. He places the board over them his fingers lingering over the white and black squares.

I look down at the set thinking about all the smiles Liet's given over the game. The excited one as he planned, that calm patient one as he waited for me to take my turn, an uncertain but amused one as he listened to one of my stories, and now this contented one as he gently shuts the case.

He puts it back under the bed and turns to me. I totally pounce on him wrapping my arms around my Liet and kissing him hard. He falls onto his back, eyes wide with surprise. "Po?"

"You know since like both of us totally hate snowy days like this we should make some reasons to love them," I kiss him gently in apology. I probably gave him a heart attack or something just now.

"I'm enjoying them more already." He smiles again his eyes bright and eager.


	6. Is it Strange?

Is it strange?

Since the snow finally got lighter again I decided it was totally time to get out of the house. I guess Liet was getting cabin fever too because he grabbed his coat before I even finished suggesting it. I'm driving since it's like my car. I'm going to drag him down to Krakow and take him shopping.

He's staring out the window smiling and looking sort of surprised.

"So like what's up? You've got one of those seriously funny faces again." I tease gently.

He jumps slightly his cheeks flushing a little and the smile fades, "You'll think it's strange."

"I kinda do already with that face you were making," I wonder if I should have kept my mouth shut.

He looks at me his closely, "I... It's…Uhm…" I can feel him thinking and choosing his words, "I'm not sure if you want to hear it."

I'm not sure if I want to know anymore but I can't just drop it. "Liiiiet, like just tell me already."

He turns to the window his voice softer like he's really ashamed, "It's just that I feel safe. I've been afraid for so long I forgot what it felt like to not be. It's weird isn't it? That something as simple as not being scared makes me so happy," He stops suddenly turning back to me, "I don't want to talk about it right now. You'll get mad."

I open my mouth to ask anyway but I totally can't. Instead I summon up a smile, "I'm like really glad that you're feeling better," He's totally right. Hearing about what the blini bastard did to him would totally piss me off and that would make Liet nervous and then we'd both be totally miserable.

"Thank you," He kisses my cheek and looks out the window again.

What he said is totally weird. Or it should be or something. It shouldn't be something so basic that makes him light up like that. He's thrilled because he's not afraid. That is seriously heartbreaking.

"So where are we going?" He tilts his head at me. "I miss the days we would just wander around the markets."

I'm a little surprised at how totally unsubtle he is about not wanting to talk about this. I probably should like make him at some point. Hiding it is probably unhealthy. But not today. I want to totally forget everything and just enjoy being together again, "Shopping. You know the chess set? I've got to show you the shop I bought it from. The owner is really fun and he has a ton of neat stuff. I think you'll totally fall in love with it," As I talk I start to relax again.

"It sounds like fun. Do you think we could stop at a bookshop too?"

I nod, "But before that we've like got to do something about you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, like you need some new clothes already," He really doesn't have a lot. I think he has like the coat, 3 shirts, and a couple of sets of pants. There's that totally lame uniform too. It's been in a heap in the corner of the closet ever since he took it off.

"I don't think…"

"If you don't shop I'll use Poland rules and like totally make you wear some of my stuff."

He groans raising his hands in surrender, "Let's go clothes shopping."


	7. You'll come back right?

Liet is going to talk to the blini bastard. His boss is totally expecting him to handle the border negotiations by himself. It's like insane. That moron is totally crazy if he thinks it's a good idea for Liet to be anywhere near that bastard not to mention alone.

"I like don't want you to go." I stand next to the door my arms crossed.

"I have to." He folded up another shirt. "I'll be back tomorrow night."

"What if I go with...?"

"Isn't your boss after you to finish that paperwork?"

"Yeah, but I could like, do it on the train and then I'd be there to help you."

"No." He looks up. "Poland I can't let someone else handle my negotiations for me."

"Liet, he's not sane, yeah. What about what happened in January? He's like still after you. What if he gets like even more crazy and locks you up again?"

"He wouldn't." He looks away. He's seriously not as confident as he sounds.

"Liet couldn't you like have England as a moderator? Or go with Latvia or Estonia? I'm sure they totally need to…"

"I'm going to be home tomorrow night, the next afternoon at the latest. I swear I will call you before the meeting and when it's over," He takes a breath. "Poland, I can't keep relying on you and the others. I have to do this."

I hug him, "I'm like sorry. I know you have to do and stuff. I just don't want to lose you again.

He takes my hand and presses it to his lips, "I'm coming back."

"Stupid, Liet. Like why are you trying to make me feel better? You're the one that's scared of the blini bastard, why are you so calm."

"Because if something does happen I know you'll be there," He says it with total certainty.

Half an hour later he gets dressed. A deep green shirt that is totally pretty with his eyes, slacks and a suit jacket. I kiss him holding on tight until we hear the taxi. He puts on his coat and wraps a deep blue scarf around his throat. The snow is lighter today. He walks down the path to the taxi turning to wave me. I bite my lip as he does. He gets into the car and is gone. He's gone. I can't seem to move away from the door. It's like my brain is seriously mad at the rest of my body because I can't stop looking at the place he disappeared from. The wind shifts on me and I finally slam the door.

My brain isn't mad it totally hates me today. I don't want to think about the last time I saw him walking away in the snow like that. That time he didn't come back. I run into our room and hug his pillow. Breathing deeply I catch the scent of shampoo, soap and his skin. "I like totally don't understand you. Why do you trust me so much?" I cry for a long time. It starts to hurt after a while. My stomach and chest are cramping. I must be a complete mess.

I lie back on my side of the bed. Liet isn't the only one having seriously bad days. I look out the window and I can feel the cold seeping into my skin like I was lying on the snow covered ground again.

"So what is it? Russia has like a thing for you or something?" Liet and I were on our way to Warsaw. It was like one of the last strongholds we had. With the loss of Vilnius and a bunch of other cities in his place Liet and his soldiers had to run back here. I was totally scared it didn't seem to matter how many battles we won or like how many soldiers we took down Russia just kept sending more. Unfortunately the only other emotion I had at the time was anger.

"Stop talking," He was having trouble keeping up. Liet was already totally exhausted but he wasn't going to give up either. The loss of our boss had seriously weakened us. Ever since he got caught the factions were like totally set one screwing each other over. So much for common enemies.

"We like just need to make it back to Warsaw," I told him. "You can get some rest and then we'll totally figure out something."

We started running. It was totally stupid considering the cold and how tired we were. It was just that there was like this weird feeling. Like, the devil was totally about to show up. Then poof there he was. The blini bastard in all of his grossness. That seriously creepy smile on his face and a lead pipe in his hand. Liet tried to stop me but I wanted to like bash his teeth in. I pulled out of Liet's grip and lunged at him. Liet tried to help when he realized I seriously going through with it. I got in a couple of hits but then I slipped on snow. I felt the crunch as the blini bastard hit my head with a lead pipe. It was seriously not helpful to my mood. When I managed to open my eyes my vision was blurry at the edges and my head was swimming. Liet had this look on his face I had never seen before. It was so funny. He was saying something but I couldn't understand. I think I told him that he looked silly but I'm not really sure. I saw them disappear into the snow and then I passed out.

After the third partition I woke up to a really bad headache and Prussia's ugly face. Wish we had cut it up when we had the chance. He was just so totally happy to tell me that I was going to work for him and Austria until I totally faded away. They had made sure that my country was gone from the map and that my name was erased from history. I should have like faded. I didn't.

I should have totally fought harder or tried to pull some sort of trick to help Liet. Back then though I totally thought he would be ok. Even though he was with Russia I wasn't like worried or anything because it was Liet. Liet would totally find a way out. He always had.

But he didn't. I wouldn't see him again for over a century.

* * *

Thanks for reading. I'm not sure how much I like this story or at least the order of the chapter. I might be reorganizing it in the future. Also if anyone is good at titles drop me a message. I could use some help with that.


	8. Cleaning

Long chapter. Sorry about that. Thanks for reading.

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Cleaning

Crying is really really tiring. After that totally gloomy morning I should do something productive. Something other than that pile of forms my boss is getting on my case for. My storage room is probably gross I haven't been in there for about 50 years. Maybe there will be something interesting. I grab the bucket and some rags. I pick up a set of Liet's old clothes too. No way and I going to allow my clothes get all messy from whatever is in there.

Seriously worse than I thought. The dust is thick. Almost like one of the treasure hunting movies Mr. Hero, the guy who lives across the ocean, likes. Maybe I'll find some neat treasures. I hunt around and see armor. I reach out and touch the dull metal. It's in a totally messy heap. Looks like everything is there though. I find the maker marks. This is cool. It's from that time Liet and I made the Teutonic Knight, like, totally wet himself. That's a fun memory. I brush some of the dust off with my fingers. It should be on a stand. Liet, the worrywart, would give me this seriously annoying scolding every time I didn't take care of it right away.

"Po, you need to take care of your armor. We have to be ready the next time they attack," Liet was a totally perfectionist when it came to stuff like that. No matter how tired he always set his armor on the stand cleaned it. Like usual he had his gear off and was totally engrossed in wiping away the mud and whatever else.

"I'll like do it in the morning, Liet." Unlike him my armor was on the floor still messy. I would get to it later, "I'm gonna take a bath. Come on, you're totally tired too."

"I need to do this." He gave me this annoyed look. "Why not just put your armor on the stand? I'll be finished by the time you do that. Po, you know with all the time we just spent arguing you could have put it away right?"

"Leit your face is like really funny. Fine, I'll totally put it on the stand but after that we are going to get a bath and then sleep till like noon. Got it? I'm like your boss so what I say goes."

He managed to finish before I dragged him off so we could get clean. I made totally sure he wasn't thinking about the armor after that.

I lick my lips as that memory passes. Armor kinda clashes with the décor but maybe I could put it upstairs somewhere. I examine it a little more closely. Someone has been seriously rough with it. It's like a lot more dinged up than I remember. Probably when jerk Germany and blini bastard were using it to show how totally superior they were. I'll leave it for now. It'll be a total waste of time to try to wipe it down if I'm just going to leave it on the floor. I'll get back to it when I figure out what happened to the stand or better yet a case so I won't have to clean it again.

I look around there seriously has to be something I can do so I don't look like I was just slacking off. Well I am, but I kinda want to have something to show for it. Old clothes have been tossed every which way too. Those two had no sense of fashion. I really should fold them up or something but I'm so not going to try to shake out the dust when it's snowing.

I spot an old chest and figure it's worth a look. Its hinges shriek as I struggle with it. I force it open a couple of inches before it jams. I grunt as I push and pull. The noise is like totally unpleasant but it's personal now. "Ok… Ok… I'm gonna get you open even if I like have to take you apart," I run upstairs and grab a bottle of vegetable oil. I drench the hinges in it then sit in the lid hard to close it again. I like try it again and it opens a little wider. I'm like really mad now. I keep working the hinges adding more oil and until I finally throw it open.

"Ha! I like told you I would beat you." It's totally a win for me. I'm like going to ignore the fact that the floor behind it is now a goopy mess of oily dust. I wash my hands in the bucket. "Ok, so like what were you trying to hide from me?"

I peer inside. I'm seriously disappointed. It's mostly clothes. A couple of uniforms, some of my old skirts and sweaters, a totally funny hat, and then there's something hard. My fingers slip because it's wrapped up in a silk scarf. I pull it out hoping it'll have something that's like worth the effort.

A wooden box? Totally disappointing, all that work I like get a box in a box. But since I like went through all that trouble… I flip the catch and open it. Dried flowers petals. I pick one up one of them examining it. White tulips probably.

Wait… Tulips. They're from that time. That time I really hurt him. Trust me I know it's seriously bad that I made fun of my friend as he was being like dragged off by the creepy one. But seriously how was I supposed to know that blini bastard would be that much of a bastard? This other thing is totally worse. This was something I knew was going to hurt him and I did it anyway.

It like started with a letter. After the January Uprising we both got dragged back to our owners, for a total lack of a better word. Austria was mad enough where he burned a couple of Liet's letters right in front of me. Then one day I had been like cleaning Austria's library when he handed me a letter. He was totally frowning. It was totally weird; he read all of our letters back and forth as a security thing so it's not like there should have been anything surprising. I seriously act like it sometimes but I'm not totally stupid, usually. We can all agree that Liet is like really responsible and stuff, not to mention kinda shy so he wouldn't have written anything shocking. So it was really odd to see Austria looking that way.

When I took the letter he said, "Poland, I'm going to have Italy finish up in here. Why not take the day off."

I was seriously weirded out. Austria was a pretty reasonable guy. He never asked for an insane amount of work but still he like never just gave me a day off. I looked at the letter and I totally understood. Liet was always Liet. Sometimes he wrote in Polish sometimes he wrote in his own language. He had never ever written in Cyrillic. He seriously had a hate on about it. It was like one of the very few things he complained about.

I went back to my room because while I can like read that crap it was seriously harder back then. I figured it out after a while. It said that he was happy and had accepted his place as blini bastard's servant. He didn't have time for me anymore. I take back what I said. I am like totally and completely stupid. I fell for it. I totally believed that Liet had sat there and was like seriously willing to write that letter and send it to me.

It had taken until the end of like WWI before I became a nation again. I heard that Liet was like free too but had left to work for that hero guy, America. He hadn't even said goodbye. I totally thought that it was because he really had forgotten me. That's when I did the most seriously stupid thing that I have ever done. Liet didn't need me anymore but I still like needed him. If I couldn't have him I would take part of him. So when my boss decided that because so many of my people were there that Vilnius was our city I agreed. I totally encouraged it. I knew it would seriously hurt Liet but I wanted that city. Every time I walked the streets it felt like he was still there even though I totally knew that he was still in Russia's house.

After it was done I like realized how insane it was. I was totally going psycho. There was nothing I could do but apologize. I wanted desperately to take it all back but because of all the politics and power plays and stuff my boss couldn't just return it even if he had wanted to. I wrote to Liet. The first letters came back unopened. I knew then that he hated me.

I wrote again. Thinking that if he returned this letter that would seriously be it. He was done with me and I would just have to live with it. I was seriously sure that any day the letter would come back or that Liet would simply ignore me. Then there was a knock at my door and someone announcing that I had a delivery. I totally expected it to be the letter but instead it was a bunch of white tulips. The note was neatly written in Lithuanian, "Aš tavęs pasiilgau." "I missed you."

"I missed you," I was like never happier to see that simple little phrase.

I don't even realize I'm totally crying again till the tears fall on the petals. He forgave me. I still like totally don't understand why. I like love Liet. Even if he decided to keep hating me I would still totally love him. I shut the box. I'm like totally glad that he is as gentle and forgiving as he is but maybe he's wasting it on me.

Paperwork is totally sounding like a good idea. I don't want to be in here anymore.


	9. The sound of you Voice

A/N: Hi again. Sorry for the strange pattern in the updates. Hopefully it'll get better soon. So thanks for all your patience and for reading.

* * *

I seriously hate paperwork. After the crappy morning and early afternoon I decided that looking at the seriously irritating legal speak was like the lesser evil of sulking or digging through totally gross dusty rooms. It's like almost enough to make me wish we would go back to having to talk to the other nations face to face again. Like almost. It's still totally scary to see new people. Even a lot of the ones I already know are scary. Like that Scandinavian guy with totally no expression. Mr. Swed, Finland calls him. I finally finish with the last form and shove the whole stack back into the folder. Liet's going to be totally in shock when he gets back. All the paperwork done and he didn't have to be a serious worrywart about it. Unless the boss has like a new stack for me. That is totally likely. I'm totally not telling either of them I finished with this stuff for a few days.

The phone rings I scoop it up flipping it open, "Liet! I miss you so much. Like get back here already," I laugh as I lean back in the chair. Even if it's like just his voice over the phone I feel so much better, "I so needed to hear you just now."

"I miss you too," He sounds relieved, "I'm on my way to meet Russia. Can you talk with me until I get there?"

"Like you have to ask?" I get up from the desk and drop into the way more comfy armchair, "Are you like going to be alright? I mean if you decide to put it off I'm totally sure no one would blame you."

"I'm fine, Po. I promise I'll be fine. So what have you been doing all day?"

"That is like so unsubtle, Liet. But fine, I totally won't try to talk you out of it. Though if you want to like turn around and…"

"Poland," He cuts me off firmly.

"Ok. I so get it. I'll like cheer you up then. Anyway, I like tried to clean out that totally gross storage room. I didn't get far though. I mean it's gross in there. By the way that old pair of pants you had and one of your shirts, I think I'm going to throw them out. They got like seriously messed up."

"Po, why were you cleaning out your storage while wearing my clothes?" The confusion in his voice is like so cute.

"Duh, I totally didn't want to get any of my stuff all like stained," I grin. I know how to annoy him, "I'll totally replace them for you. When you get back I'll like take you out clothes shopping again."

"No! I mean, don't worry about replacing my clothes. I'll take care of it later," I can picture him slumping in the seat or maybe just running his fingers through his hair with that seriously funny expression.

I spot a bag of snacks off the side table and grab it, "Liet I seriously wish I was there. Your face must be like totally hilarious right now."

He chuckles. It one of those totally warm little laughs, "I'm glad I could cheer you up."

I munch on my snacks, "You're like great at it. Hey, Liet…"

"Yes?"

"Like thanks. I so needed to hear your voice just now," I feel like totally better but there's that little voice in the back my head still screaming that this is a bad idea. "Keep your phone on yeah. I'm going to totally be checking in with you. If anything happens I'm gonna get everyone to go up and rescue you."

He laughs softly, "You're going to be my knight and lead the charge to save me on pony? I sort of like that idea. Ah, sorry I have to go now."

"Bye, Liet. Like stay safe," We disconnect. I really do feel better. If something were to happen there are people that totally can help this time. As much as talking to them is like totally nervous making for me it's good to know that they will be there.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Yeah writer's block. Sorry for the short crappy chapter.

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Why should I be worried? Liet was only negotiating with a seriously obsessive stalker bastard who totally had the hots for him since like forever. Yeah, there was like no reason to be worried. The only thing that like kept me from rushing up there was Liet's calls to remind me that he needs to be able to handle stuff like this on his own. He's right and stuff but as for me being like happy about it? Totally not gonna happen.

Liet said that Russia's boss totally wanted it done so he can worry about other stuff. That's why the blini bastard had to finally agree rather than trying to get them to 'become one' again. From what I've been hearing there's been like a lot of grumbling since the Baltics managed to stand their ground during Bloody Sunday and The Barricades. At least he's back now.

"Liet. I totally missed you," He drops his bag and pulls me into a tight hug. Liet is back and he seems to be in one piece that's good. There is the whole shaking and not talking that is totally bad.

"So, like hi welcome home," I figure if he seriously isn't going to talk I should.

He sighs and I feel his shivering stop though he doesn't let go, "It's good to be back."

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing really. He so obviously didn't get more crazy and lock me up," His voice sounds cheerful but I can totally tell he's trying to placate me, "I'm fine, Poland."

I can't see his face but I can totally picture him trying to put on that fake soothing smile, "You're totally not fine."

"Let it go please, Po," He pushes me away looking totally worn out. He drops his eyes to the ground, "It's not important."

"I don't care if you think it's important or not. Tell me."

I see him flinch, "He didn't do anything. He kept putting off the signing claiming to want this or that checked. When he finally signed he told me to enjoy my vacation. 'They'll hand you over to me again sooner or later.' Maybe he's right."

His hands clench and his voice gets this weird tone. Scared, angry, and resigned all at the same time. He keeps talking voice getting a little higher, "He reminded me that all of you were fine with him taking me. You then America and Germany too.

"Liet…"

"I'm going to bed. Good night, Poland," He grabs his bag and stalks down the hall to the guest room. He doesn't slam the door or anything but I think that makes it worse.


End file.
